Chapter Two

Chapter Two The Lost Gremlin Named Corny

The troll may not be able to catch this unicorn, but he tries and tries to capture the unicorn. He thought and thought. He finally came up with something.

"I can disguise myself as a gremlin and name the gremlin Corny. I'm so wicked," he said to himself (he likes to talk to himself, he is a loner).

The next day he hid behind a stump by the pond. The unicorn got another sip of water.  All of a sudden, a little tiny gremlin popped out. The unicorn was drinking the water she eyed the gremlin. Then she turned her eye to look at her lovely reflection. She saw that nasty old troll's reflection, and looked up (she was very clever) and saw the sneer on the gremlin's face. She found out that the gremlin was really the troll, so she decided to go along with the joke.

When he took out his net to get  ready to capture her she flew away. The troll said, "Darn it! She found out." The unicorn said, "Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha! You didn't get me."

The troll was so mad he turned back into a troll and turned blue.

I wrote the story in pencil, I am surprised that the story has lasted this long. Growing up, I was told that pen lasts longer, and doesn't smear like pencil--well I proved the critics wrong. I know there are a lot of mistakes, but I didn't have an editor to tell me that I was making a lot of leaps. My fourth grade imagination is not like a J.K. Rowling or Jane Austen, and yes I did take lots of leaps in writing this story visualizing the scene at the pond, expecting the reader to just know the actions of the unicorn and troll. The illustrations help too!

I didn't realize it at the time, but I made a pure and perfect animal really vain.

P.S. In this story gremlins are suppose to be cute and good fairy creatures, like Gizmo before water spills on him in the classic movie Gremlins.

The Story I wrote in the 4th Grade: Chapter One

While cleaning out the garage and going through boxes of old stuff--stuff from Thailand, stuff from my childhood through high school, and early college years, I lovingly call my "goof-off years"--I found a story that I wrote and illustrated in the fourth grade: The Unicorn, the Troll, and the Princess. I really liked unicorns as a child. I still want one!

Well I decided to edit it (mostly change punctuation and spelling errors, and take out repetitive phrases), and post it here chapter by chapter (there are only 5 short chapters),  along with three poems I wrote: "Trolls," "Unicorns," "A Princess."

Chapter 1 Almost Captured

Once there was a unicorn. It was so friendly, so wise, and so talented. It had wings like a dove and flew swiftly through the air. Everyone liked the nice friendly unicorn, but a troll wanted to capture her horn for the power. The power was so strong it could purify poisoned water. The troll wanted to capture this unicorn so he could take the horn for the power.

When the unicorn heard this she was so frightened she went into the forest so she couldn't get captured. She went to a pond to have a cool sip of water (it was a very hot day). She stood up to see her lovely reflection. Her reflection looked funny, then she noticed a troll was walking up to her with a net. When the troll was about to capture her, she flew away. He tripped over a stone fell into the net and floated down into the pond. The troll said, "I'll get you next time!"

Brought to You by the Letter O

O isn't necessarily my favorite letter in the alphabet (because of a certain billionaire's self-absorbed use of it) like Q and X (I especially love K), but I do appreciate it because it is one of the underused vowels (Wheel of Fortune will agree), and I do like the underdogs (the reason I rooted for the Jets).

One of the coolest words in the English language is "onomatopoeia." O is used 4 times, once for no reason (it's like a silent E), and it basically comes after every consonant. So, with those hints spelling onomatopoeia should be easy, right? Yeah, I know it still takes practice. Another reason why onomatopoeia is so cool is because of its meaning. It's that word that you can never think of when you want to say, "what is it called when a word makes a sound? You know a sound word like 'buzz' or 'beep' or meow.' That word." That's what onomatopoeia is... a sound word. I know onomatopoeia sounds like a terrible skin disease that causes puss to leak out of boils, or an Italian saying in their sing-songy English "I gotta go pee-a."

I wonder if the fantastical Cirque de Soleil show "O" in Vegas is short for onomatopoeia, and the producers couldn't figure out how to spell it correctly and just gave up . . .

What Is This Really About?

One of my facebook friends from college current status is a quote from the hilarious show Community (by far one of the funniest shows ever, like up there with Arrested Development), but he didn't stop there. He continued to post quotes from the show, and they are all definitely funny. Of course I added my "hahaha!" in there (in case you didn't know I disdain "lol" and never use it because it is overused,  most of the time, inappropriately--I burned my finger lol. My boyfriend cheated on me lol. I gave you herpes lol, ok so that one is appropriately used but you get the drift, and I also don't like it because people are really saying laugh[ing] out loud, come on we really don't say that in a conversation you just laugh so why not use the onomatopoeia for laughing "haha?"), and another guy just clicked on "Like." That is not enough.

Why doesn't facebook offer a "Love" button. Like is not intense enough. It's a weak emotion. It's noncommital. It's like saying "Meh. I don't love, but I don't hate." And that is not how we should talk to our friends. We need to love what they do, or hate it, and we tell them that to their faces ... sometimes. . .  right?! And we especially "Love" everything about Community.

Jeff Winger's snarky comments. Abed's infatuation with John Hughes and pop culture--he's like "I see your value now" Rainman. Brita who tries to be extreme and nonconformist when she really isn't. Pierce who is creepy, and oblivious to his creepiness. Shirley, sweet Shirley, who explodes if you badmouth Jesus (and I agree with her). Annie, who has her panties wound so tightly that she is one explosion short of an aneurism. Finally, Troy, the jock he's too. . .  ambidextrous . . .  I mean ambiguous.

Yes, last night's episode was funny, and I have been waiting forever for new ones, one can only watch the stop-motion Christmas special for so long to fill the void, and in case you were wondering I thought it was the most Christmasy Christmas episode of any show Fall season.

So, yes I wanted to "Love" all the comments my friend made because they were more than just "meh." Oh, and Facebook doesn't have a "Hate" button either.

Do Pretentious People Know They Are Pretentious?

I have met a lot of pretentious people in my life--and I apologize if I've ever given off the pretentious vibe --and I wonder if they realize they are pretentious. I met a boy in college who thought he was the pooh, but he wasn't. He was unkempt with greasy hair and grungy clothes, and he liked to give his opinion when it wasn't warranted.

One time I was talking to one of the teachers (an adjunct who had a Master's and was accepted to a graduate program) about fairy tales, and I guess you can say he had first hand experience with fairy tales because he used to live in Germany, the land of fairy tales--Grimms Brothers, Neuschwanstein--and the pretentious undergrad rudely butted into our conversation and inisted that the adjunct was talking about a fable. A very different sort of story (although, they are both included in the folk tale category) and a very specific type of storytelling. Yes, fairy tales have morals like fables, but they are implicit not explicit like fables, and besides, since when has Cinderella ever been a dog? They kind of went back-and-forth for a while (really, it was ridiculous and the pretentious fool should have just shut up when he had the chance). After the room was cleared, the smug pretentious jerk looked up fables on-line and found out he was wrong, but never owned up to it like a pretentious fatherless child would do. I only know that he looked it up because after he left the room I looked up the history of the computer that he used and he googled fables. I felt pretty good after that.

That was then this is now, and I ran into another pretentious person the other day, and she was offering me unwarranted advice. I am older than her, have had cooler experiences than her, and I know what I am doing. Anyways, I did look up her suggestion, and maybe she was right, but that doesn't  mean I have to listen to her . . . because she is pretentious.

It's Been a Long Time: My Go to Topic

Well, yes, I know it's been a long time. The last time I posted something was sometime in the summer, and my background has been a beach for many months. "Stuff" has happened, and I've either been too lazy to write about it, or annoyed with my computer's dysfunction (it seems to have grown a brain of its own). You probably hate recaps, so I'm not going to do that . . .

Recently, I saw the first installment of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, and it was really really good. (I tell everyone that.) It also ended in a good spot, where there was a climactic scene, and a good stopping point so the second part can just . . . . go. (I also tell everyone that.)

It's almost the end of an era -- a decade of reading and re-reading, watching and re-watching Harry Potter. I don't confess to be a Harry Potter expert, but I will say I know quite a bit, enough to win trivia games. Harry Potter is the only series that I have been so dedicated to, next I would say is The Chronicles of Narnia, then The Twilight Saga (I only re-watch with friends never really because I love it and think it's so amazing). When I was a kid though, I really loved The Baby-Sitter's Club.

What I Like About Summer

Well it's summer. My favorite season. I love hot weather, the smell of sunblock, and wearing flip-flops all the time. My feet are no longer bound by socks and close toed shoes (except at work), they feel so trapped, and it's such a pain to put on socks, tie shoes, or buckle straps. It saves so much prep time.

Another thing I love about summer are the movies. Out are the depressing epically long films, and in are the funny ADD friendly films that are mind numbing, perfect for forgetting all the calculus and Shakespeare that we really don't need to know--unless you're an engineer or college professor.

But most of all barbecues. Being outside. OFF. and Lots of free time.